Now, if you have read a few of the other posts you can see where Irony and I have a close relationship. Don't get me wrong, I don't think I would give Murphy or his Laws a run for his money but there is no denying that he and I were born under a kindred star.
Just recently I start out my brand new web site with a Things I Hate going on about older drivers and their Crown Vics. Then what happens? My mom excitedly sends me two pictures of her new ride. This of course is before she had even had a chance to read that particular Things I Hate section.
Irony.
There are times when I believe I am cursed (which is impossible as I protect myself with the standard sacrifice to my Pagan Goddess every Equinox, both Vernal and Autumnal) or as I haven't done anything considered "wrong" enough to deserve this kind of thing, that I am paying for some past transgressions from a previous life. Like I was Genghis Kahn or someone deserving of these events.
Who knows?
On the other hand, Irony is not necessarily a bad thing. Case in point, last year I really wanted a Playstation 2 (yeah I know, what a surprise huh?) but then I had the chance to actually play one. Not the "end all, be all" game system that I was led to believe. Big points for Sony's Hype Machine. Its not a horrible game system by any means, just not what I was expecting. Still wanted one, just not as bad as before.
Reality has a hard time keeping up with fantasy.
So believe it or not, I was not one of the ones that camped out for one the night before the big release. But I did get one on the release date with no fuss or muss. Turns out a good friend of mine in the System snagged one for me. Never asked him to (that would be wrong) but he did it anyway. The Irony here is, if my desire to own one had still been at the fever pitch that it was at before my hands-on experience, I can guarantee that this opportunity would have never appeared.
Irony.
Now we move on to relationships.
Two events that stand out in my memory that are worth telling. First one happened while I was stationed at Fort Eustis, VA. learning to work on helicopters. The company I was assigned was one of the few that was co-ed. This led to a lot of interesting times and stories, but that is for another post.
Anyway, there was one particular female that got a lot of attention. It was warranted as she was quite attractive and seemed to be smart enough to string more than two words together without using "..like.." or "..and junk.." So before every formation when most of us was just hanging around waiting for the time to actually form up, this girl was surrounded by at least five different guys vying for her attention.
*(For those of you not familiar with the term, Formations are just designated times where the Company stands together to put out information, count heads, move to another area and so forth. Usually everyone shows up 10 to 15 minutes ahead of time and just sort of waits. Always better to be early than late for this type of thing.)
So one Friday before the formation for us to be released for the weekend, I am sitting under a tree near the formation area, reading a book. A darker shadow broke my attention as it fell over my book. I looked up and there she was. I said hi or how's it going or some such greeting and went back to reading my book.
"Are you gay?" She asks.
Keeping in mind that these are the first three words this girl has spoken to me in the eight weeks we had been at this company together. Not the three I would have picked but (shrug). I closed the book and looked up at her puzzled (and just a little shocked).
"Pardon me?" I asked, now giving her my full attention.
"I was just wondering." She actually started to fidget. "I mean if you are that's okay, I was just wondering."
"Um, no I am not. Why?"
"Well it's just that everyone else has talked to me or asked me out or something but you."
I laughed out loud on that. I pointed to the group of guys, that would normally be circling her like sharks, waiting by the curb watching us talk.
"You mean like those guys?"
She looked over but didn't say anything.
"No offense but I am not going to take a number to talk to anyone." I smiled at her. "I am not much for fighting a crowd to get to know someone. I am weird that way."
"Does it really look like that?" She asked worried.
"Oh yeah. Don't get me wrong, you seem like a nice person but ... " I shrugged.
"Oh ... okay. Sorry about that then."
And with that she walked off, and was promptly swallowed up by her all male entourage. She glanced back at me and I smiled again and shrugged an "I told you so".
After the formation ended she made a bee-line to me and asked me out. We went to see Innerspace (Denis Quaid, Meg Ryan... so very 80's :) and ended up dating for the next three months. We still keep in touch every so often so that's why no names. I wouldn't put it past her to fly up here and kick my ass if I did.
Irony (the good side)
Now for the Yang to the Irony Ying.
Was stationed in Savannah, Georgia and we get a new supply person in our company. I was on top of a Huey working on the scissor and sleeve assembly when SHE walked in on the hangar floor. (This is another "she" just so you there is no confusion between this "she" and the previous "she" :) I dropped one of the scissors and pinched the hell out of one of my fingers when I saw her. Until that point I thought the whole "Love at first sight" was nothing but a euphemism for Insta-Lust(tm) but I felt the true thing all the way past my throbbing finger down to my toes.
Once again there was the normal male feeding frenzy that accompanies new females that enter a new military unit. Seen it happen all too often not to realize that it must happen everywhere. Unlike the last time, I truly had an interest in fighting the tide, as it were, to get to know this person.
Which I did. Or at least tried to.
It seemed that every time we clicked, something got in the way. Call it a rash of Mini-Ironies. It got really bad when we were assigned CQ together. (Charge of Quarters, a 24 hour duty to watch the Barracks to make sure that it doesn't burn down or worse) It was after that night of doing nothing but talking about everything that I was thinking "Mrs.Claw, where have you been all my life".
Time after time, I tried to get past the initial relationship onto something a bit more complicated with her but something would happen to prevent it. I continually got the feeling that she felt the same for me but situations being what they were, we weren't able to pursue them. This went on for what seemed to be an eternity. Got so bad that my friends were sick to be around me because she was all I could talk/think about.
Then I got my orders to Panama.
In preparations to my move to Panama I had to clear supply. Guess who was in charge of my paperwork? You got it. She is surprised by my leaving and gives me this line.
"Well I am not going to let you go."
That was real easy for her to say because by then it was already too late.
I was on my way to South America.
My subconscious screamed "NOW YOU TELL ME!"
(On a side note of Irony that I will tell you about in another story as this is getting to be a VERY long post, I found myself at Omar Torrijos International Airport, Panama with no passport (all I had was my military ID card which is standard policy), nobody to pick me up, watching on the TV as Panama's Vice President-elect Ford was being beaten in the streets by a bunch of Pro-Noriega Thugs shouting Anti-America slogans)
So for two years, Jungle Survival School, Operation Just Cause and too many other weird events I spent my 15 month tour in Panama thinking of her.
Yeah the math is correct.
I was only supposed to be down there for 15 months but did 24.
We corresponded back and forth, not as frequently as I would have like but it was better than nothing. But like before, it never got past the "Hi, how are you? I am fine. What have you been doing?" stage.
When my rotation back to the states was coming up I was informed that I was going to be kept down in Panama for another eight months until my time in service was up. This was due to the growing concerns over in Saudi. I said no way, I wasn't going to spend another month down there. (For Christ sakes they didn't even have a Dunkin Donuts and a man can only take so much)
I needed a plan to get back to Savannah.
After a talk with the Retention NCO, I made a deal with him that if he could get me stateside, Savannah, I would do another two years for the Army. He said he couldn't promise me that. I said he could if he wanted me in for another two years.
Well I didn't say it was a good plan.
12 days after I was sworn in for another two years I was on a plane to Georgia. As soon as I was able, I made my way back to Hunter Army Airfield to look up the she that had been on my mind the entire time I was away. To my surprise, the entire Airfield was empty. No helicopters, no equipment, nothing. Seems like they had all been sent to Saudi.
This was not good either.
Back at the replacement detachment (where they assign incoming soldiers to their new units) I was informed that all the Aviation shops where already in Saudi.
No shit, huh?
So six days after I landed back in the States, I was on a plane to Saudi Arabia.
Once there I find out that my old company (the one that I belonged to before Panama) was just down the way from my new company. Keep in mind "just down the way" in Saudi Terms is three miles across open desert. After a bit of asking around I am relieved to hear that she is still with the company and is over here in Saudi. So one night, with no landmarks, no GPS, no flashlight, no night-vision, I take off across the sand.
I risked getting shot by the perimeter guards of my new unit sneaking out, getting bit by any number of indigenous poisonous desert life, shot by a roving Bedouin tribe, shot by the perimeter guards of my old unit sneaking in or misjudging my directions leaving me to walk the desert lost forever. Actually the last is what scared me the most. Trying to find a lone Military compound in the middle of the desert at night is like finding a needle in a stack of other needles. A few degrees to the left or right and I would have walked right past them and kept on going.
Just thinking it's a good thing both my legs are the same length or that would have happened for sure.
Most of my old friends were still there. It was a good time. We caught up on things and had a bunch of laughs. They said that it didn't surprise any of them that I risked that walk. Not that they would have tried it but it was like me to do something that foolish. I won't even go into the ration of shit they gave me for reenlisting just to come out there.
Then guess who walks into the tent. Yep... you got it.
Now lets recap what I went through to get to this point before I go on.
1. Just got through one conflict where people shot at me in Panama.
2. Signed up for two more years of the Army so I can get back to Savannah.
3. Get to Savannah only to find that she is in Saudi Arabia.
Sent to Saudi Arabia at the start of another conflict where I can get shot at again.
4. Get assigned to the wrong Aviation Company once in Saudi.
5. Make a three mile trek across open desert at night to get to the right Company.
Only to find out she is married and has a child.
Ironic wouldn't you say?